Let's Talk Self-Harm

Most people immediately think of cutting when they hear the word "self-harm." On the other hand, self-harm is technically defined as any coping strategy that provides temporary relief from difficult emotions. It is often generally done with the purpose of self-punishment, communication of pain, or both.

Self-harm is something I like to think of as a pattern that has grown in response to adversity in ones life. We all depend on coping mechanism to help us deal with anxiety, stress, and trauma. Some of us are fortunate enough to access a safe coping method, such as a physical, artistic, relaxing, or community-based activity. In contrast, others come upon something that offers a similar sense of relaxation but has a less positive effect on their wellbeing.

Overeating, undereating, excessive consumption of alcohol or other substances, remaining in unhealthy relationships or friendships, or engaging in physical confrontations are examples of self-harm. These aren't necessarily signs of self-harm, but they can be.

Having a rational outlook on self-harm often keeps us from dwelling too much on the action itself instead focus on understanding the causes and feelings that contribute to it. And the fact is, whether you're self-harming or worried about someone who is, preventing the self-harming behaviour shouldn't be your top priority.

However, If the behaviour puts you in imminent danger, it's advisable to try to come up with ways to mitigate the situation. You can find the advised 'safe' methods of stimulating physical discomfort, such as keeping ice cubes in your hands; this will temporarily take the pressure off. However, this is essentially the same as offering methadone to a cocaine addict; without the causes of the habit not been addressed and still there, the chances of relapse are high. Stopping self-harming activities without discussing the reasons or seeking an alternative coping mechanism has also been shown to increase the likelihood of suicide. All of the bottled-up emotion has to find a way out.

If you're self-harming because of anxiety, try to distinguish the fears you can handle from the ones you can't. We tend to accumulate our concerns and fears, like rolling multiple tiny bluetak balls into a large one until they seem unmanageable. An excellent way to be more in charge is to break down each concern and see if anything can be done realistically to reduce or eliminate these fears.

It worth considering what benefits self-harming behaviours provide you and whether there is a safer or even healthier way to achieve the same result. If self-harm is a way of communicating internal pain, it may be beneficial to try to write such feelings down on paper in the form of a diary or journal. If the 'highs' correlated with self-harm are more physical and intense, a high-impact type of exercise such as boxing may help. If talking to a trusted relative or friend or contacting a crisis line is a way to share what's bothering you, it can make you feel like you've offloaded what's bothering you.

On a final note, it's vital to be aware that recovery takes time. It's not the end of the world if you have a terrible day and revert to your old self-harming habits. Any effort at healing makes us stronger and shows us all of what works and what doesn't. New patterns take time to develop, so pick yourself up and try again, hoping that each time will be a little better.